The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
