I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
