physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
