I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
