dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
