can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
