My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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