I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
