I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
