I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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