I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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