remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
