i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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