How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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