Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
