People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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