Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
