Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
