Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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