I wish I could teleport
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
