Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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