i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just had sex on a roof
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
