I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
