He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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