Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
