hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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