Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
