dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
