I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
farters have to be the big spoon...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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