You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
