You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
