woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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