If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
