Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
