oh god the rape fog is back!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
