addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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