that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
