I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
