He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
