Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a hot homeless man
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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