Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
