I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
