booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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