I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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