I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
