For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
