I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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