You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just found a bag of teeth...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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