He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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