how can u be prego again
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
