a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
