We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
