So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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